Celebrity relocations

Kerry Katona, the pig nosed coke snorting malady of the UK, faces moving back to her council home in Warrington amid claims her $3m Cheshire home could be repossessed.

Now I don’t want to kick a porker when she’s down, because she has had a terrible life. But my Lord, by taking back the man who has largely turned her into the coke riddled car crash she is again and again, she has tested my legendary patience quite a bit.

Formerly one third of Atomic Kitten (which always sounded like a Japanese craze to me, the name, not the beige 3 minute ‘pop’ purveyors themselves), Kerry hit the alleged highs of Iceland endorsements after winning ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’.

You could argue that I’m a celebrity was where she became infatuated with creepy crawlies, leading to her repeated ‘on/off/on/off like an OCD sufferer’s light switch’ relationship with Mark Croft. A man who in my humble opinion, is a horrible ‘IT’S SCIENCE GONE MAD I TELL YOU!’ mixture of a cockroach and a leech.

I predict he will drop her quicker than an obese man drops a lettuce when offered a burger now she’s verging on broke. Again.

Ok, so it’s Segel, but I’m feeling in a seaside mood so forgive me.

Yes, more news from the world of the woman who makes more headlines than Kobe can on Jack Nicholsons noggin by missing a three throw.

(target reference there, but oh well)

Lindsay Lohan has been papped leaving Jason Segel’s house early in the morning, after partying with him all night.

THE HORROR.

Personally, I thought she was a Lesbian and living with Samantha Ronson, but I must be behind the times.

Anyways, knowing the media tartlet who’s making stories more than she’s making career moves, she’ll probably move herself in within a fortnight. Hide the knives Segel.

Apart from have sex with a 13 year old girl and make a film about ivory tinkling Jews during WW2?

Yes, I’m talking about Roman Polanski, who’s moving back to his house in Switzerland, according to the Irish Independent. This move must be an improvement because at the time of writing, Polanski is currently in the big house after FINALLY being arrested for his sexual conquest of a minor (a child, not A minor, the musical chord).

Swiss authorities are deciding whether to hand Polanski over to the US to face -essentially- paedophilia charges, so Polanski will be under house arrest until further notice.

Gotta love the Swiss, neutral to the point of holding looted treasure for the Nazi’s, and keeping hold of child sex offenders while they um and ah, all the while justice has to stand and wait by the metronomical tick tock of a cuckoo clock.

Polanski made the classic horror ‘Rosemary’s baby’. After the film was finished, he later dated Rosemary’s baby.

(not true, but alleged kiddy fiddlers being alleged kiddy fiddlers…)

It only took coming up to two years…

The designer who in the mid nineties dressed approximately every single rapper and RnB artist -I hate the term artist when referring to RnB past the eighties; RnB is now populated by either a) little pieces of jail bait whores or b) men singing about how unfair it is that they’ve lost their ‘baby’ after being caught cheating on said ‘baby’, YET WOMEN LOVE THESE SONGS? IT’S BEYOND A JOKE!!!- had originally put the eight bedroom property on the market for $28m, but thanks to the financial squeeze, poor little Tom Tom only managed to get $20m.

Still, he only paid $18m for it, a $2m profit on property these days is very nice indeed.

Hilfiger recently moved to New York after living in North Greenwich for the proverbial donkeys yonks.

Shenae Grimes, star of rejigged, remade and still incredibly rubbish 90210 (missed the boat the first time around, CERTAINLY missed the boat this time) has been papped moving into her new home.

Shenae starred in Degrassi: The Next Generation (nope, me neither) which  is ‘often the most watched domestic drama series in Canada’ (thanks Wiki, the prophet of all bloggers).

(Speaking of Wiki, Shenae’s character in 90210 has a longer entry than the actress herself, never a good sign).

Often the most watched domestic drama series in Canada. It’s like running the second most popular techno night in Newcastle held on alternating Tuesdays; it’s not something to be incredibly proud of.

I almost think it’s best for me to end this particular blog before I make any puns based on her surname…

Katy Perry and Russell Brand have been spending a lot of time together, with the former breaking a TV engagement with Chris Moyles (although, who wouldn’t) to spend the evening with the almost obligatory titled love lothario (although this always confused me, how can someone be a love lothario, isn’t it a bit like saying ATM machine? Or ‘Racist Nick Griffin’?) Brand.

The comedy cock and the pretend penisphobe have been seen together so often rumours are beginning to surface that the two are contemplating moving in together.

The mind boggles at what the neighbours would hear.